It’s like you’re throwing a temper tantrum.
You know what you want to do. You know why you want to do it. You know how to do it. It’s important. The growth of your business depends on it. But, no matter what you do the three-year old kid inside of you is stomping his or her feet screaming “NO!”
“NO! I will not do it!”
“NO! Not now! I have more time!”
“NO! I don’t want to!”
“NO! You can’t make me do it!”
I’m sharing this because this topic came up three times last week and it’s serious.
I am not going to pretend that I know why we have to do battle with our inner child; I just know that it happens. Maybe it’s because we were wronged somewhere along the way, or maybe we were righted? Maybe it’s a natural reaction to fear, uncertainty, excitement or even boredom. Who knows?
What I do know is this, if you don’t get that little kid inside of you to settle down, you’ll never get your work done and you’ll continue to be incredibly frustrated.
There are times when having some “kid” in you is great because it adds to your creative and fun side, but there are other times when you need to “be the adult”.
Here are five ideas my clients and I came up with during our discussions. Go ahead and give them a try.
- Tell the little boy or girl inside that you are a grown up and what you say goes. Then tell them that it’s time to sit down and behave.
- Since one of the reasons you likely started your own business was so that you could be in control (yup the little kid’s power play), pretend that you are an employee instead of a business owner. Look at the work you have to do and do it, for your boss.
- Make a deal with the child inside of you. Tell him or her that if they behave, and get a specific task done, then they get to take a break. (Since I’m a mom with three kids I’ll share this warning with you… make sure that they live up to their side of the bargain before they get the reward.)
- Ask the child inside of you why they don’t want to do it. Is there something that they are afraid of? Is there something that’s new to them? Is it something that is going to be hard or boring? Tell them that everything will be okay because you have resources and people you can ask for help if you need it.
- Take time to play. Don’t try to sit and work from dawn to dusk. Take breaks to move your body and your mind.
Share what your inner child stops you from doing and what do you do to tame him or her?
Carrie,
This is a really relevant and important piece. Having spent the last 17 years helping over a thousand people heal and re-train their inner kids, I would offer that your step about finding out why they don’t want to do something is most critical place to start. But, it’s also important to realize that that part of our inner child isn’t trying to mess us up out of rebellion (usually). They are driven by a blend of still trying to get their emotional needs met, having a grossly distorted sense of who they are that comes from having aforementioned needs in sufficiently met, and not having enough experience of healthy parenting to feel that there’s a caring, responsible parent that’s committed to mirroring their value to them. So, the most effective path I’ve seen is to start loving the inner child into submission, compassionately teach them healthier boundaries than a lot of the parents of our generation knew how to do, and teach them how to re-claim their value.
Geoff,
I wrote this out of my clients (and admittedly) my own frustrations with our inner kids. I’m so glad that someone who really understands the “inner child” commented on this! Thank you for adding so much depth to the discussion. Hopefully this will help us all end the temper tantrums!
Carrie
Carrie,
My pleasure! It’s a deep subject, and a lot of people approach it in a way that only reinforces the very patterns you’re trying to shift. Love always beats shame and judgement!
Great timing with this article. Currently struggling to – adult-. I’m going to apply these quick fixes. Thanks.