It took almost thirteen years for me to muster up the courage. On July 24, 2014, I found myself standing at the Reflecting Pool at the 9/11 Memorial in New York City.
My eyes welled up with tears. I reflected.
On September 11, 2001, I worked for Datek Online in Jersey City, NJ. Our offices were waterfront. From my desk I could see the Hudson River, the World Financial Center and the World Trade Center.
That morning I was sitting at my desk. I happened to look up as the first plane approached. I saw the underside of a plane because it was banked so steeply. I initially thought the plane was going to slam into Lower Manhattan then realized it would hit the Tower.
As the plane struck I turned to my boss and said, “Larry, a plane just crashed into the Trade Center”. He looked up and said, “That’s Cantor Fitzgerald, Chris and I were there yesterday.”
I spent the day, staring across the River and watching the televisions that were around the office. I helped survivors who came across the water to escape lower Manhattan and ended up at the pier immediately outside my office building. I gave them food and water from our vending machines. I brought people to phones to call their friends and family to let them know they were safe.
As I watched the buildings fall I watched my life crumble. Would my friends be okay? Would I be okay? How would I get home? What would happen next?
Standing at the Reflecting Pool, I thought back. First, I thought about the two years I spent working in the World Trade Center (WTC). I remembered sitting in our 29th floor office, looking out at the water, especially during Fleet Week. I thought about going up to the Dean Witter cafeteria and how the elevators would sway on windy days. Then I thought about the fifteen years I spent walking through the WTC commuting back and forth to work each day and about the plant that sits in my den. I bought the plant in the concourse of the WTC to put on my desk when I first started working at the New York Stock Exchange.
I came to realize just how much my life changed on that day.
In the months following 9/11 Wall Street was in a tremendous state of flux. People were losing jobs, firms were consolidated and many went under. There was a huge sense of unease.
I was not happy, yet I was comfortable. I had a job, it paid well, there were no rumors of layoffs and I was good at what I did. I was lucky.
Then the turmoil hit me.
The firm I worked for was acquired. I was given a choice. Move across the country to follow the job or leave.
I realized that my job, and Wall Street, was no longer fun. It was work. It paid the bills, however it didn’t give me what I needed personally. I could no longer justify leaving my kids home with a nanny, regardless of how amazing she was. I could no longer justify working for someone else; I could no longer survive without being connected to the people that my work impacted.
It was time for me to create my own life and start my own business.
What I didn’t know then was that being a business owner is not for the faint of heart.
I’ve had fun, I’ve laughed and I’ve made money. I’ve met amazing people, colleagues, mentors and especially clients. I’ve also struggled. Struggled with myself. Struggled to convince myself that I was good enough and that I brought value to my clients. Struggled to pick up the phone and make tough calls. Struggled to write one more sales page. Struggled to believe in myself. Mostly I’ve struggled with myself to figure out who I am, what’s important to me and take a stand for it.
These past fourteen years has challenged me in ways I never would have imagined. It’s grown and shaped who I am. It’s changed the way my children perceive me and the way my friends, family, outsiders see me. I like to think I’m a better person today.
I’ve learned a lot since 9/11.
There’s the business side. I learned to market and sell myself (very different from marketing and selling someone else’s product). I’ve learned how to network, to do presentations and teach. I’ve learned how to track my finances. I’ve learned how to edit a WordPress website, to write copy and develop a client pipeline. I’ve learned to develop and deliver content. I’ve learned to create systems, what to delegate and how to ask for support.
All very important, but I could have learned that from books.
What I really learned is about me. I thought going into business would be easy. It’s not. It’s been my experience that, as a business owner, you run into every single character flaw you knew you had, and many more that you didn’t care about or even know existed.
As a business owner I had to learn to stand up for myself and what I believe in. I learned to make my own decisions (some have been better than others!). I learned that it was okay to disagree with people and have others disagree with me. I learned to motivate myself. I learned to believe in myself. I learned to take care of myself physically and emotionally. I learned that I am more than my work. I am more than a wife and more than a mother. I found out what I care about and who I am.
As I stood there at the Reflecting Pool I realized that the person that watched the World Trade Center collapse from her office window no longer exists. I’ve grown, I’ve changed, I’ve experienced, I’ve learned.
So what can you learn from this?
Certainly not every experience in our lives is as dramatic as 9/11; yet, every single day you have experiences that impact you and who you are. These large and small experiences impact what you do and what you bring to your clients. You are more than the classes you’ve taken and the training you’ve had.
I have a client that says, “I’m old, I know a lot.” She’s right.
All of what you’ve learned makes you who you are and adds tremendous value to you and the experience your clients have interacting with you and your services.
What have you learned that brings value to your clients?
I invite you to share your thoughts in the comments section below.
I am not part of your tribe but I do receive your email. I almost blew reading this email off but something compelled me to read it. It really threw me for a loop. You are spot on with your thoughts lady.
Elizabeth…
Even though you might not think of yourself as part of my “tribe” I’m glad that this email moved you. Maybe now we will get to know each other better.
Carrie
I appreciate thoughtful and smart women whether I have worked with them or not.
Thank you & hopefully we’ll get to know each other better going forward (whether or not you choose to work with me).
You are so right that being a business owner is NOT for the faint of heart. I’m in the middle of a bunch of fires that I’ve been putting out, and now I choose between writing what I need to write or eating lunch before my 1 p.m. meeting. I’m afraid lunch will win out this time. But then I’ll have to spend time writing later when I wanted to relax. My greatest character flaw, which I always knew I had, but has been magnified by being a business owner, is my lack of patience. I want things to work ALL of the TIME, not just when I’m not doing anything and COULD troubleshoot a complicated management system. My lack of patience also makes me do quick, stupid things, which again magnifies the problems. And when my major helper is on vacation, I’m at my worst. I totally rely on her for patience and organization. I’m in the middle of my imperfect storm!
Carrie, I am in your tribe and so much better for it! Thank you!! I really appreciate you and the stories and snippets of your life that you share!
You’ve made me realize that I am not the same person I was and have come such a long way, with the wisdom I’ve gained over the years (most of which is not from books). 🙂 You have reminded me that it’s okay to evolve and I am moving forward step by step in my business each day. Thank you for that reminder and lesson!
I love having you as part of my world Camilla… I learn from you every time we speak.
What a deeply personal and thoughtful post. I already think you’re an amazing person and my respect for you just went up another hundred points (at least)!! So glad that we’re connected.
Oh my 100 points…
Karen, it’s been such a journey for me to understand what happened to me on that day. I’ve learned so much from it personally & professionally. I know it’s shaped who I am. I think sharing it now is part of that journey & I’m sure I’ll continue to learn from it (and everything else around me) every day.
Thrilled that we’re connected too!
Carrie – so glad I saw this pop up on Facebook! Remarkable reflections by you, and you put into words what the entrepreneurial journey is all about. I’ve bookmarked this and plan on revisiting it many times in the future! Well done!
Hi Brian… the entrepreneurial journey is unique for each of us and I guess that’s exactly the point. Take in your experiences, learn and grow for them and continue continuing on.
Great article. I have learned that it is not as easy as I thought it would be, and my biggest obstacle is myself. I need to get out of the way and move forward with building relationships and showing people they need me. It’s an interesting things, being human. I don’t want to need others, so I am sure others don’t need me. And I know that is ridiculous. My mother always told me I took the longest route to get somewhere. She thought it was because I needed to know every option available. She’s probably right, but at some point, I have stop wandering.
Truly the only obstacle we face is ourselves…time to move forward!
Wow Carrie. Such a powerful piece. I’m so glad you found your voice, and share with us your insights. Moving outside one’s comfort zone is truly frightening, but empowering. Alpha Love.
Hi Kari,
Yes, it can be terrifying and the rewards amazing. Alpha love to you too!
Definitely not for the faint of heart, but infinitely preferable to the alternatives………thank you for your posts, so many times they hit home for me.
Hi Linda,
Entrepreneurship…There’s no better course in personal development out there!
Aloha! Thanks for sharing your story, what you’ve learned and where you’re going, even if you don’t know exactly where/what that is right now. I think we all go through this at various times in our life and I know my initial conversation with you helped me in determining “what I want to be when I grow up” — even if that changes along the way. I know you’ll figure it out — and whatever it is you’ll be a huge success. Mahalo!
Always wonderful hearing from you Stacey… it’s like my dad & I always said, “All roads lead to where you’re going.” One day, one step at a time.
Thank you so much, Carrie. My eyes welled up with tears reading your story.
You are so right. The “business” part of running a business can be learned in many ways, or sometimes even delegated to others. The real learning – the biggest challenge and the biggest opportunity – is to keep discovering who we are really, and how we are being changed and shaped. As entrepreneurs, each day gives us the opportunity to decide who we want to be, what we want to contribute to the world, and how we can best do that. We also get to decide what we want to do in this moment with our foibles and flaws, which (at least in my case), do seem to keep showing up!
Such freedom, such responsibility, such a wonderful gift. Thanks so much for this article.
Hi Bonnie! I’ve missed you!
The flaws and foibles… oh yeah. They keep popping up for me too. Just when you think you’ve got one of them licked up comes a new one.
Carrie
Thank you Carrie, for this brave article. I was moved to tears and then goose bumps.
Like parenthood, maybe nobody can predict all the impacts that come from starting a business, and I agree that what we most learn about is ourselves. Some of what I’ve learned has not been fun; some has stretched me beyond what I would have guessed was possible, and some has been more joyful than I could have imagined. I wouldn’t have missed any of it. I’m so grateful to have had the gift of becoming a business woman. I have so much more freedom and my life is so much richer than if I’d only worked for other people.
One of the gifts is that being a business owner brought me into contact with you! Thank you thank you thank you!
Bonnie… and I certainly have gained the gift of you in my life as well!
I’ve learned where my weaknesses are, so I can admit to them. It’s allowed me to focus more on my strengths when I make videos for clients. Example: I’ve learned that when I don’t have the answers to some questions, I turn to the folks I’ve partnered with in other areas who do know the answers. That helps my clients trust my ability to help them in the best ways that I can, to tell their stories. You wrote a great article. It was sobering and always a good reminder about what happened then, and how to make our experiences count. Thank you.
Carrie, great article! Like one of the other people who left a message, I almost deleted your email because you said “I lied” which totally did not appeal to me, but I opened your email because other than THAT title your other emails have been worth my time it took to read it. (I would have opened your email faster if the title was: ‘How 9/11 Caused me to Start my Business.” Sadly, 9/11 has also caused me to launch my business on the significance of ‘thinking of all’ when making a choice. I enjoy your newsletters/blog posts. You’re very inspiring!