By Deena Yellin, Friday, October 3, 2008
Your daughter comes home with her backpack laden with books and homework. Again. On the verge of tears, she laments, “I have three hours of homework to do, so I’m going to miss soccer practice again.”
Your son, who is normally a whiz kid in math and studied hours for his algebra test, was distraught when his grade was lower than expected.
You reach for the phone to call the teacher, but then you hesitate and wonder, Are you being a supportive parent or meddling in your child’s life?
Quick action
Eugene Westlake, interim superintendent in Tenafly, says go ahead and make that call.
“I believe that whenever a child has a problem, the parent should immediately contact the teacher,” Westlake says. “There should be an open dialogue throughout the school year. That’s where the action is taking place, and that’s where the resolution should take place.
“Parents should also talk to their children every day and find out how school went. That’s another way to figure out if there’s something they need to explore on a school level,” Westlake adds.
Andrew Rose, superintendent of the Norwood schools, says: “Communication is the key to all good human relationships. It’s essential that parents, who know their children best, communicate with teachers.”
Holding off
On the other hand, Westlake says, parents should use some restraint in deciding when to contact teachers. “There are report cards several times a year. There are sufficient opportunities for parents to get information. Any kind of weekly or bi-weekly call or meeting is overkill on the part of parents.”
The older the child, the more restraint the parent needs, Rose says.
“By the time the child is in middle school, the parent should advise the child to talk to the teacher if there are any issues,” Rose said. “Many children are reluctant to do that. But it will help the children realize their teachers are real people, and that they act nicer one-on-one. It’s a growing experience for a child to deal with their problems on their own.”
As for low or failing grades, Rose believes parents should not be so quick to fight those. “You can often learn more from failure than from success, he says.
“By seventh and eighth grade, kids need to learn self-reliance,” Rose says. “I have seen parents get extremely irate because their child fails a test. Instead of getting angry about the grade, the student needs to evaluate why they earned that grade and try to improve.”
Proper balance
The bottom line, says Carrie Greene of CarrieThru Coaching Services, is that a parent’s involvement depends largely on a child’s abilities.
“I feel it is important for parents to be involved in their kids’ education and set up an environment for them to succeed, but the child does have to learn to stand on their own feet,” Greene says. “So often the best thing a parent can do is to teach and encourage their child to advocate for themselves.”
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