I couldn’t believe it. It must have been a set up. A really bad joke and I was the victim. I was facing down a freight train and I was losing. I was being humiliated. Worse still… it was a public humiliation and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it.
It started innocently enough, even positively.
I was asked to be on a panel and share a little about my experience rebranding my business and getting clear on my message. There were two of us. I went first. I shared a little about my experience. I thought I spoke well then passed the mic.
She took the mic and began to speak. She had the audience laughing. They were in the palm of her hands. She was real, she was raw, she was brash. She was everything I am not.
To say that the two of us are like night and day puts it mildly. We look different. I’m white, she’s black, I’m short, and she’s tall. We all know it’s not about how you look. We were brought up differently. I grew up in a nice upper middle class suburban home, in a good neighborhood, and with loving and supportive parents. She grew up on the streets, kicked out of her home when she was quite young. It is more than upbringing that makes us different. We are different to the core. She is a preacher, a guru. She naturally gets a crowd excited and nodding in agreement. She naturally takes control and attention. Me… well, that’s not my style…not even close. I tend to share openly and honestly. I prefer quiet, intimate conversations. My public speaking style tends towards teaching. I keep answers thoughtful, short and succinct. People like what I say, yet I don’t naturally elicit cheers and shouts from an audience. I also don’t swear. I don’t care if others do, but it’s just not my style.
I sat there listening to her with a smile glued to my face. I watched as she immediately took ownership of the audience; I knew I had somehow failed. I knew that nobody liked me. I knew that everyone felt bad for me as I sat there smiling being totally upstaged.
My mind was freaking out. How can I get that mic back? And, if I do manage to get the mic back, what could I possibly say that had any chance of leveling the playing field? How can I possibly compete with “that”?
Let me be perfectly clear. She did nothing wrong. She did not say anything bad. She was not trying to upstage me. Yet, my mind took every negative thought I could possibly have and roll them all up into a terrible voice that said, “See I told you, Carrie, you can’t do this. You’re simply not good enough.”
I sat and listened to her wow the room. Every fiber of my being told me to stand up and fight. To be someone I simply am not. To pretend. To follow someone else’s lead.
Suddenly I got it. After years of running my own business. After years of working with clients and helping them simply be themselves. After the work I’ve done with my own coaches and all of the messaging work I have just completed I finally got it.
I was good enough.
I wasn’t her, she wasn’t me and, frankly, isn’t that the whole point? Had I pretended to be like her nobody would have believed it. I wouldn’t have believed it and neither would the audience. And, everyone would have been right to feel sorry for me.
There are people who will like her for exactly who she is. There are people who will like me for exactly who I am.
There is no way I could have done what she did. It is not my style, it is not my personality, it is simply not me. It doesn’t make me good or bad, it just makes me Carrie. If I had tried to speak the way she does I would have made a fool out of myself. If she had tried to speak the way I do she would have made a fool out of herself.
There are certainly things she does better than me and you know what, there are things that I do better than her. There are people who will relate better with her and people who will relate better with me.
As we wrapped up the panel discussion I asked for the mic. I spoke for about 30-seconds. I addressed the pink elephant in the room. I acknowledged the huge difference between the two of us. I also acknowledged the fact that the beauty of owning your message is the ability to show up for who you are and know that you are exactly good enough.
As I said this I felt as if the audience looked at me a little differently (actually, it’s probably just that I looked at myself a little differently). There was an acknowledgement of the truth of my statement. You know what else, what I said hit home for many of the people in the room who needed to hear the message in my voice.
So often in our businesses we try to be someone we’re not. We try to do things some guru or another swears is the best way to bring in new clients or a consistent cash flow or is the easiest and most effective way to market. We try to make it work and it doesn’t.
What is most important in your business, beyond absolutely anything else, is to be your true self every day. Sure the gurus have ideas that work. The question you need to ask yourself is will they work for YOU. What will work for who you are and who you want to be?
There is no way we can wear someone else’s face. There is no way we can be anyone other than ourselves.
Make sure your goals are clear and that they make sense for you. Simplify the way you are going to get there so that you can take focused action. And you know what will come out of it? A business that makes you money AND makes you happy.
I’d love to know your thoughts on this, please share with me in the comments section below.
It started innocently enough, even positively.
I was asked to be on a panel and share a little about my experience rebranding my business and getting clear on my message. There were two of us. I went first. I shared a little about my experience. I thought I spoke well then passed the mic.
She took the mic and began to speak. She had the audience laughing. They were in the palm of her hands. She was real, she was raw, she was brash. She was everything I am not.
To say that the two of us are like night and day puts it mildly. We look different. I’m white, she’s black, I’m short, and she’s tall. We all know it’s not about how you look. We were brought up differently. I grew up in a nice upper middle class suburban home, in a good neighborhood, and with loving and supportive parents. She grew up on the streets, kicked out of her home when she was quite young. It is more than upbringing that makes us different. We are different to the core. She is a preacher, a guru. She naturally gets a crowd excited and nodding in agreement. She naturally takes control and attention. Me… well, that’s not my style…not even close. I tend to share openly and honestly. I prefer quiet, intimate conversations. My public speaking style tends towards teaching. I keep answers thoughtful, short and succinct. People like what I say, yet I don’t naturally elicit cheers and shouts from an audience. I also don’t swear. I don’t care if others do, but it’s just not my style.
I sat there listening to her with a smile glued to my face. I watched as she immediately took ownership of the audience; I knew I had somehow failed. I knew that nobody liked me. I knew that everyone felt bad for me as I sat there smiling being totally upstaged.
My mind was freaking out. How can I get that mic back? And, if I do manage to get the mic back, what could I possibly say that had any chance of leveling the playing field? How can I possibly compete with “that”?
Let me be perfectly clear. She did nothing wrong. She did not say anything bad. She was not trying to upstage me. Yet, my mind took every negative thought I could possibly have and roll them all up into a terrible voice that said, “See I told you, Carrie, you can’t do this. You’re simply not good enough.”
I sat and listened to her wow the room. Every fiber of my being told me to stand up and fight. To be someone I simply am not. To pretend. To follow someone else’s lead.
Suddenly I got it. After years of running my own business. After years of working with clients and helping them simply be themselves. After the work I’ve done with my own coaches and all of the messaging work I have just completed I finally got it.
I was good enough.
I wasn’t her, she wasn’t me and, frankly, isn’t that the whole point? Had I pretended to be like her nobody would have believed it. I wouldn’t have believed it and neither would the audience. And, everyone would have been right to feel sorry for me.
There are people who will like her for exactly who she is. There are people who will like me for exactly who I am.
There is no way I could have done what she did. It is not my style, it is not my personality, it is simply not me. It doesn’t make me good or bad, it just makes me Carrie. If I had tried to speak the way she does I would have made a fool out of myself. If she had tried to speak the way I do she would have made a fool out of herself.
There are certainly things she does better than me and you know what, there are things that I do better than her. There are people who will relate better with her and people who will relate better with me.
As we wrapped up the panel discussion I asked for the mic. I spoke for about 30-seconds. I addressed the pink elephant in the room. I acknowledged the huge difference between the two of us. I also acknowledged the fact that the beauty of owning your message is the ability to show up for who you are and know that you are exactly good enough.
As I said this I felt as if the audience looked at me a little differently (actually, it’s probably just that I looked at myself a little differently). There was an acknowledgement of the truth of my statement. You know what else, what I said hit home for many of the people in the room who needed to hear the message in my voice.
So often in our businesses we try to be someone we’re not. We try to do things some guru or another swears is the best way to bring in new clients or a consistent cash flow or is the easiest and most effective way to market. We try to make it work and it doesn’t.
What is most important in your business, beyond absolutely anything else, is to be your true self every day. Sure the gurus have ideas that work. The question you need to ask yourself is will they work for YOU. What will work for who you are and who you want to be?
There is no way we can wear someone else’s face. There is no way we can be anyone other than ourselves.
Make sure your goals are clear and that they make sense for you. Simplify the way you are going to get there so that you can take focused action. And you know what will come out of it? A business that makes you money AND makes you happy.
I’d love to know your thoughts on this, please share with me in the comments section below.
Awesome post Carrie. You rocked it in message and sharing your own vulnerable experience. Thanks for the powerful reminder. 🙂
Louise x
Love this revelation and reminder. Thanks for sharing this Carrie
Very moving and inspirational. Thanks!
What an amazing “aha” to have right in the middle of a presentation – and what a gift for all of us! The ability to feel good enough exactly the way we are and be able to share it is powerful. I often feel I can be myself and speak from my heart when I’m doing something like teaching yoga – but for some reason, in my business, I find myself questioning everything I say and worrying if I fit the part. Thank you for sharing your experience with us and btw, I love your style! 🙂
Julie, what I really found is that my business has to be as honest as my life. Trying to be something we’re not and trying to fit in, well… that never works!
Thanks Carrie. Really related to this. It is so easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves with others and wanting to copy. Recently I had the opportunity to address a group of young ones at a university and chose to focus on this theme, pointing out that allowing yourself to be ‘you’, resisting the urge to copy others, is the only way to become your ‘best you’ and thus be able to contribute your unique talents to the world. Used the character in the movie “Hanna Montana” to bring out the idea and, what joy when this group of young Spanish people (normally known for shyness), all joined me as we sang the song “The Climb.” :-)s
Carrie- You being you just made me well up. Kudos on a very well written and very hard hitting piece – eloquent and beautiful in your open, honest, quiet, intimate conversational teaching style. Blessings all over you for blessing us!
Kelly… I’m so glad that this touched you, the experience sure touched me. It was incredible and I’m still processing it.
Truth and honesty are # 1. We are responsible for our own actions. I read so much BS every day in all the broadcasts I receive and then …. comes that one email that makes the difference. It is straight and to the point, written in truth and from the heart with the important information in the forefront.
Your message was clear, Carrie, and thank you. We are perfect and unique in our own way. I loved your message. See you soon …
Gitte
Thank you Gitte… it was quite the experience. Hopefully I’ll see you in a few weeks!
Great article! I frequently feel way. The flamboyant style of one person may not work for another! It will only resonate if it is authentic. THank YOU!
I loved your honesty and open expressions about how you felt, Carrie. Too often we feel we have to be like so and so and in the process lose our identity. You also said it well that there are people who will relate to your style, while others prefer someone who is the direct opposite of you. There will always be people who resonate with the rah!rah! while others find it tiresome. The opposite is also true. And there are times when you really want to have high energy, in-your-face speakers around.
I admire the way you were able to maintain your composure and acknowledge the obvious differences between your message and delivery and the other speaker’s.
Thank you Yvonne.
Carrie – I LOVE this! What a fabulous a-ha for you to have in the middle of basically having a panic attack about how you weren’t good enough. I LOVE that you asked for the microphone and wrapped everything up so neatly – I can only imagine what an incredible impact that had on the audience!
I wrote about the topic of being “exactly who you are” on my blog on my website the other day when someone recognized me as ME – and I only believed it after saying – “I get that all the time, I remind you of who? or you must mean my sister. Or you must mean someone else you have seen speak before” – but really – they meant ME! I practically needed to be smacked to believe them! I love that you believed YOURSELF – without the smack!! Thanks so much for sharing!!
I don’t know Mary… I think I did virtually smack myself 😉
Carrie – Bravo! You were able to ‘live’ your message.
That gift-experience deepened your value and ability to serve your Clients – Yea!
Wisdom taught me that everyone has their own part to play – comparisons only confuse. Now I compare me to me-yesterday and refocus on the Goal.
Thank you!
Ted
Thanks for sharing your A-ha moment- with aplomb, and grace, you certainly evened the playing field. In the same breath provided the rest of us an opportunity to reflect back on this when we might find ourselves in a similar circumstance. We are usually harder on ourselves that the rest of the world. Thanks Carrie!
Thanks fro the reminder to let go of the self judgment and live into the moment of peaceful clear self awareness and self acceptance and pure authenticity. That connects us with the right people EVERY time..The right people for us. the right people to learn from us. As a relatively new speaker, it’s great to hear your take on this experience. Thanks for sharing!
Love this Carrie! AND, I love ‘her’ too. Never even occurred to me to ‘compare’ the two of you. Trust me, you hold your own easily! Great message for us all. Thanks for sharing, and thanks to Cathi Harley for pointing this out!
Carrie – that’s what I love about you the most – you are so real, so vulnerable, so genuine, and…….so smart! So very smart! And I love that you share your lessons along the way – helping people become their best self.
Thanks for writing this much needed article – I have no doubt you will have touched the hearts and the souls of many. And for many, who have just read it, I hear/feel a huge sigh of relief. Just. Be. Yourself. …..So powerful.
Love you,
Pat
Oh Pat… Thank you for being in my life! I love you too!
Such a revelation!!! Since I was THERE IN THE ROOM with you Carrie I witnessed the whole thing – and you know what I think you and she were the PERFECT choices for the panel – what you did was you allowed the 97% of the people in the room who are never going to have the “Story/Presence” that she did to know that they too could be successful speaking, getting on stage, sharing their message and monetizing. What a gift. There’s a reason God made so many of us. You are exactly on time, doing exactly YOU, and serving exactly who you are here to serve. In fact there is probably a lot of good that you could do for her because a strong “out there” personality often needs help with simplifying things! Sending you BIG BIG love and a hearty round of applause!
Amethyst… Thank you for being one of my fans. So glad that God made you too AND that we got to play in this thing called life together!
This is brilliant Carrie!!!! We can’t be someone else…and be successful. But we can be ourselves and be successful in our own way. We are all different but as long as we are being genuine and serving in a way that represents our true self it will just flow!
Carrie, Today you are my angel messenger, saying exactly what I needed to hear/know in just the moment I needed to have the affirmation. My favorite part of what you shared was acknowledging the “pink elephant”. I have found, as you did, that simply speaking the truth allows an amazing opening and deepening, in me, and in whomever I am with. Thank you!!
Shirley… so glad to share this exactly when you needed it.
Hi Carrie!
Excellent article! I could not agree with you more. Regarding the panel: having a group of different people with different skill sets and strengths reaches the greatest number of people. If a baseball team had 9 great pitchers they would probably fail. A diverse group of skill sets working together has the strongest chance of success. By having the two of you compare and contrast your individual styles, I bet the audience got a lot out of it! BTW-you’re pretty awesome 😉
Kari,
I love the baseball team analogy. And thank you, especially since you certainly “knew me when”.
Excellent article Carrie. Thank you for the wisdom of your perspective. I’ve certainly felt that way myself, and I love that you did address that “pink elephant!”
Thanks – and I agree with Kari, you’re pretty awesome!
Thank you for the amazing reminder Carrie – to just be ‘ME’!
My intention is to do my work in the world – AUTHENTICALLY and your article was a perfect affirmation that I’m on the right course! :o)
I so can feel where you sat Carrie. I got that light bulb moment at Hell Yeah Star after my 30 second improv disaster.
I work every day to peel the onion of so-callled protective layers to be Pen… But today with a clear message of my own truth that resonates with my peeps.
Thanks for your authentic self sharing your moment.
And just when I thought you were perfect Carrie! How timely. LOL Great article, thanks so much for sharing. It’s a great reminder human ears can’t hear enough.
Such a timely article!!! Beautifully written. Thanks for this.